{I STILL BELIEVE IN FAIRYTALES & LOVE}
I have wanted to write a post like this for awhile but feared it would cross the line I had in my head for The Tennessee Life. Well after receiving an email from a young lady asking me for some advice I changed my mind. She asked me a tough question:
"I'm hiding my feelings from the guy I love. What should I do? Do I tell him? Or hide it? I know you know music, what songs will help me find my answers?"
It took me two days to respond to her email. And when I did respond it wasn't with a bunch of advice. It didn't list any songs. My answer to her was this:
"TELL HIM."
That's it? YES. I couldn't find the words to tell her that I understood exactly where she was coming from. I didn't tell her my true thoughts and feelings. But now, with her being one of the people reading this right now, I share my true feelings, thoughts, and heartbreaks.
BELIEVE ME when I say that I am the queen of broken hearts. BELIEVE ME when I say I've had my heartbroken by the same guy at least 2 times (it's really 4 times but who's counting…).
I met this guy while I was in my first year of college. It was instant. I swear to you, I feel in love after about an hour. I knew it…HE DIDN'T. I had a boyfriend at the time that I ended up dumping for this guy. We hung out all the time for two years. More than friends? ABSOLUTELY. Ever official? NEVER. We went through these times where he wanted to date and I didn't. Then I decided I wanted to date and he changed his mind. Those two years were perfect. But like they say, ALL good things must come to an END.
College graduation for him. Transferring to a big University for me. We went our separate ways but remained somewhat close. We talked, texted, emailed, Skyped, etc. The one day on the phone it happened. It hit me so hard tears welled up in my eyes. Chills went down my spine. M-I-L-I-T-A-R-Y. Wait…what? Repeat that. Are you serious? Every question in the world popped in my head. I knew things would NEVER be the same.
It started with the long weeks of no talking. Yep, NOT AT ALL. Just letters. I still have them to this day and read them sometimes. Then after a while we were able to talk again. I had spent so much time thinking about everything the past few weeks. One thought constantly popped up:
"God forbid something happened to him…what if he didn't know how I felt."
I worked up the courage. I told him I loved him more than anything in the entire world. I told him he completed me. I told him when I imagined my wedding he was the groom. I told him I wanted to be the one on his front porch watching him dance with his future daughters and pass ball with his future sons.
I told him everything…Well not really.
THIS IS WHAT I HAD PLANNED TO SAY.
Here's what really came out:
"Good luck. I'll miss you. I'm proud of you. What do you think will happen between us?"
His response:
"I have no idea."
WOW. OUCH. DARN. SHOOT. Yep, I said these things (along with some other words…). What was going to happen?
After nearly two years, I still have the same question. What is going to happen. People say they get in a routine. Is it possible to have a routine of love? Will I always be stuck in a rut when it comes to this relationship? WHO KNOWS.
TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL. DON'T HOLD IT IN.
…this coming from the girl who needs to take her own advice for a change. I know I'm not worthy to tell anyone what to do. However, I live everyday of my life wishing I had said everything my heart was telling me to. I spend everyday of my life comparing every guy I see/meet to my version of Prince Charming.
To my sweet email friend:
Telling someone how you really feel can be scary.
-He may love you back….he may not.
-He may think you are confident and sexy for having the strength to be bold and share you feelings…he may think you are TOO bold and he may run away.
-There is a chance he will be the man you marry because of this.
-There is a chance he may never want to talk to you again.
Figuring out if the risk is worth it? Well the ball is in your court on that one. Just know I wished I had said what I wanted to.
-He may love you back….he may not.
-He may think you are confident and sexy for having the strength to be bold and share you feelings…he may think you are TOO bold and he may run away.
-There is a chance he will be the man you marry because of this.
-There is a chance he may never want to talk to you again.
Figuring out if the risk is worth it? Well the ball is in your court on that one. Just know I wished I had said what I wanted to.
Now, you wanted songs right? I recently heard the song LOVE by Jana Kramer and instantly fell in love. After reading the lyrics and really listening to the song I realized that everything said in this song reflects me and my life perfectly.
